Blog Disclaimer

‘OFFICIAL’ DISCLAIMER
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Disclaimers are useless. If I sent an email to you by mistake, and it contained confidential information, I should be severely punished & my email privileges revoked. I can’t stop you from redistributing it anyway and no text between these lines will protect my backside in front of a judge. All rights reserved. No part of this document may be pilfered in part or whole by any means, especially CTL+C, without the written permission from the Headmaster at Hogwarts delivered by express owl to me at my current location. No fuzzy wuzzies were harmed during the creation of this disclaimer, however several fruit flies were tortured and dismembered with reckless abandon. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.  My employer may not share my opinions or even know I’m doing this on the clock. This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commission Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances. The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the ‘on’ position. Package sold by weight, not volume, some settling of contents may have occurred during transport. Your mileage may vary. Produced in accordance with all UN charters FCC and EEC rules and regulations. Rated 5 Diamonds with AAA. This show if fictional, any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental unless you really ticked off one of our writers. Caution: Do not use near power lines. Allergy warning: may contain real crab made to look like whiting; shares equipment with products containing tree nuts. Do not return unit to place of purchase. You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Not recommended for persons with lactose intolerance. Items may have shifted during take off. Dead batteries are included. Proud sponsor of the Lake Vostok summer BBQ & volleyball tournament. May cause irritability, galloping crud or jungle rot after prolonged use. !Toner low - please replace! Contents under pressure. Call toll free before digging.  Contains excessive amounts of caffeine. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!  BHT added to preserve freshness. Caution: this product has caused some lab hedgehogs to escape from cages and hide in unsuspecting republican’s pants. Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet. Slippery when wet. Shake well before using. Safety sealed for your annoyance. Push down, twist then lift. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. No user-serviceable parts inside. Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician. Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers. Stupidity is NOT a handicap, park somewhere else! Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other PMS acts of Mother Nature, neglect, damage from not  RTFM, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized uses, broken antenna, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an unexpected water landing, ship sinking, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks or stones, etc.) Do not disturb. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Fatal thermal event, no recovery possible, Press F8 to continue. Click "Start" to shut down. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law.  Directions: Use like regular soap.  Bridge may be icy. Power tools are not an effective cure for headaches but they sure are fun. If this were an actual emergency, this disclaimer would be followed by official information and instructions. Keep your hands to yourself. Do not point. Please do not feed the animals. High Voltage, keep out! This end up. Do not stack more than four high. Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only. Use no hooks.  Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition. Unattended children will be sold on eBay. Not intended for use by children or conservatives under the age of five. Place head between knees and scream. Do not annoy dragons, for thou are crunchy when fried and go well with ketchup. The material on this page may be offensive and frightening to small children, the faint of heart, overly religious fanatics, uptight individuals, republicans, Nigerians, Catholics, animals under 2, the socially retarded, Red State residents, clowns, pickup driving rednecks, carnival workers and adult film stars. Please use caution when operating.  Seek immediate medical attention if erection lasts more than four hours, sudden blindness may occur, your mother warned you not to do that! Save the Earth! It’s the only planet with chocolate! This adventure will not end well. Printed on brand spanking new electrons stolen from your neighbor’s WiFi connection!
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